Polyamory
Polyamory is the practice or support of, maintaining committed, romantic, and/or sexual relationships with more than one partner, in parallel or concurrently, with the informed consent and Consensus of all partners involved. Polyamory allows for Ethical-Non-monogamy which is a subset of, and built upon the broader consensual non-monogamy. Many people who identify as polyamorous believe in a conscious management of jealousy and reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are prerequisites for deep, committed, long-term, loving relationships. When members of a closed polyamorous relationship restrict their sexual activity to only members of that group, that is commonly referred to as polyfidelity.
Polyamory has been used as an umbrella term for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner relationships, or non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships. Identifying with polyamory reflects the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, but with recurring themes or values; such as love, intimacy, honesty, integrity, equality, communication, and commitment. It can often be distinguished from some other forms of ethical non-monogamy in that the relationships involved are loving intimate relationships, as opposed to purely sexual relationships.
The term polyamory was coined in 1990 and officially defined by 1999. It is not typically considered part of the LGBTQ umbrella. Courts and cities in Canada and the U.S. are increasingly recognizing polyamorous families, granting legal parentage to multiple adults and extending protections to multi-partner relationships. While still uncommon, about 4% of people practice polyamory, and up to 17% are open to it. While mainstream Christianity and Judaism generally reject polyamory, some religious groups, including the Oneida Community, certain rabbis and Jewish communities, LaVeyan Satanists, and Unitarian Universalists, have accepted or supported polyamorous relationships. In clinical settings, therapists are encouraged to recognize diverse relationship structures such as polyamory, address biases toward monogamy, and utilize specialized resources to support polyamorous clients.
From the 1970s onward, polyamory has been depicted in various media, including Isaac Asimov’s works, DC Comics’ Starfire, The Wheel of Time series, Futurama, and numerous 21st-century television shows and novels. Polyamory-related observances include Metamour Day on February 28, Polyamory Pride Day during Pride Month, International Solo Polyamory Day on September 24, and Polyamory Day on November 23, with polyamory groups often participating in pride parades. Worldwide nonprofits like Loving More and others advocate for polyamory rights, acceptance, and education. Critics argue that polyamory is not inherently radical, often reflects privilege, and may have negative social impacts. Notable individuals publicly identifying as polyamorous include authors Dossie Easton, Janet Hardy, and Laurell K. Hamilton; filmmaker Terisa Greenan; activist Brenda Howard; and musician Willow Smith.
Terminology
The word polyamorous first appeared in an article by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, "A Bouquet of Lovers", published in May 1990 in Green Egg Magazine, as "poly-amorous". In May 1992, Jennifer L. Wesp created the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory, and the Oxford English Dictionary cites the proposal to create that group as the first verified appearance of the word. In 1999, Zell-Ravenheart was asked by the editor of the OED to provide a definition of the term, and she provided it for the UK version as "the practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved." The words polyamory, polyamorous, and polyamorist were added to the OED in 2006.Some reference works define polyamory as a relational form that involves multiple people with the consent of all the people involved, like Oxford Living Dictionaries, Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary and Thesaurus, and Dictionary.com. Some criticized the Merriam-Webster definition of polyamory, which defines the term as "the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time," as missing a "vital component": consent.
The word polyamory combines the Greek word for "many" and the Latin word for "love". Polyamory is not generally included in the LGBT umbrella because it is not a sexuality or a gender identity.
As a practice
, which polyamory falls under, can take many different forms, depending on the needs and preferences of the individual involved in any specific relationship. As of 2019, over one-fifth of single Americans have, at some point in their lives, engaged in some sort of consensual non-monogamy.Separate from polyamory as a philosophical basis for relationships are the practical ways in which people who live polyamorously arrange their lives and handle specific issues compared to those of a more conventional monogamous arrangement. People of different sexual orientations are a part of the community and form networks of relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners. Many things differentiate polyamory from other types of non-monogamous relationships. It is common for swinging and open couples to maintain emotional monogamy while engaging in extra-dyadic sexual relations.
The friend or partner boundary in monogamous relationships and other forms of non-monogamy is typically fairly clear. Unlike other forms of non-monogamy, though, "polyamory is notable for privileging emotional intimacy with others." Benefits of a polyamorous relationship might include: the ability of individuals to discuss issues with multiple partners, potentially mediating and thus stabilizing a relationship, and reducing polarization of viewpoints, and emotional support and structure from other committed adults within the familial unit. Other benefits include a wider range of adult experience, skills, resources, and perspective and support for companionate marriages, which can be satisfying even if no longer sexually vital since romantic needs are met elsewhere. This acts to preserve existing relationships.
The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction estimated that there were half a million "openly polyamorous families" in the United States in July 2009. Additionally, 15–28% of heterosexual couples and about half of gay and bisexual people have a "non-traditional" arrangement of some kind as reported in The Guardian in August 2013. Polyamorous communities have been said to be outwardly feminist as women were central to the creation of such communities and gender equality is a central tenet. For those who are polyamorous, social distancing, as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, created ripples in existing relationships, leading some to split apart and others to struggle to maintain their connections with one another.
Fidelity and loyalty
A large percentage of polyamorists define fidelity not as sexual exclusivity, but as faithfulness to the promises and agreements made about a relationship. As a relational practice, polyamory sustains a vast variety of open relationship or multi-partner constellations, which can differ in definition and grades of intensity, closeness and commitment. Specifically,polyamory can take the forms of a triad of three people in an intimate relationship, a poly family of more than three people, one person as the pivot point of a relationship, a couple in a two-person relationship which portrays other relationships on their own, and various other intimate networks of individuals. There are also those who are swingers and engage in polyamory or engage in poly-dating. A poly family is sometimes called , a style of polyamory in which all members of a particular polycule are comfortable and connected enough with each other that it is not uncommon for them to literally gather around the kitchen table, as they may spend holidays, birthdays, or other important times together as a large group. This style emphasizes family-style connections, and not all members are necessarily sexually or romantically involved with every other person in the group.
Other styles of polyamory include parallel polyamory, where members of individual relationships prefer not to meet or know details of their partners' other relationships, amory defines non-monogamous individuals who do not want a primary partner and may resist the "relationship escalator". For some, polyamory functions as an umbrella term for the multiple approaches of 'responsible non-monogamy'. A secret sexual relationship that violates those accords would be seen as a breach of fidelity. Polyamorists generally base definitions of commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, e.g., "trust and honesty" or "growing old together". In an article in Men's Health, Zachary Zane states that commitment in a polyamorous relationship means that "you will be there for that person", supporting them, taking care of them, and loving them.