Islamic marital practices
Islamic marital or nikah practices are traditions and practices that relate to wedding ceremonies and marriage rituals between a man and a woman in the Muslim world. Muslims are guided by Islamic laws and practices specified in the Quran, but Islamic marriage customs and relations vary by country of origin and government regulations, and non-Muslim practices sometimes appear despite the efforts of revivalists and reformers.
Islam encourages early marriage, not preceded by dating between the prospective bride and groom, as Islamic law places "strict conditions on interactions" between the opposite sexes. Consequently, mainstream Islamic marriages tend to be "family affairs" where parents and other older relatives are involved in match making. Islamic marital jurisprudence allows Muslim men to be married to multiple women.
Marriage customs
While there can be differences in marriage practices among Muslims, there are several steps to a marriage usually shared in the religion—including the ceremonies khitbah, nikah, zifaf/rukhsati , and walimah.Early marriage
Young Muslim males and females are strongly encouraged to marry as soon as possible, since the family is considered the foundation of Islamic society, and fornication i.e. pre-marital sex, is forbidden.While the Quran mentions “baligh” as a marker of maturity, and reaching puberty is often interpreted as the minimum age for marriage,, Muslim-majority countries have minimum ages for marriage,. In Pakistan and Afghanistan, child marriages is illegal but still occurs due to "weak enforcement" and "deeply rooted cultural practices".
Khitbah
The combination of encouraging early marriage and forbidding interaction between marriageable males and females means that traditionally, if not always, it has been the partners’ families that arrange for suitable partner for their child and then introduces them to each other. This way, the union is about compatibility rather than infatuation or sexual desire.The first step in Islamic marriage where representatives of the prospective bride and groom get to know and vet each other, is called the khitbah.
Typically, the proposal is initiated from one interested side, but it may also occur through matchmaking from friends and acquaintances. The parties will compare personalities, values, and life plans for compatibility with each other, and may use pre-marital counselling. Traditionally the two potentials are prohibited from touching each other or being alone with each other, and conversations are closely supervised. Additionally, a woman who wear hijab covering her face is permitted to unveil in order for the suitor to see her face.
If both parties agree to move forward, they will then enter the committed stage, somewhat akin to "engagement". If not they part ways.
While the couple are still prohibited from meeting privately and from touching, their families may begin planning the coming formalities. The word fiancé is not used in Islam, but other terms may be used depending on the region. For example, in Urdu-speaking populations, they are called rishta.
There are different traditions for khitbah in different Islamic societies:
- Arab cultures emphasize the familial approval involved in khitbah which may involve elaborate ceremonies.
- South Asian Islamic cultures often emphasizes social and familial alliance including an exchange of gifts and jewelry.
- Southeast Asian cultures sometimes integrating local customs and traditions highlighting a more communal engagement.
Halal dating
Mahr, dowry and gifts
A required part of a Muslim marriage is a gift, known as a Mahr, given by the groom to the bride. How much and what form it takes should be agreed upon beforehand. The Quran states:- “And give the women upon marriage their dowries graciously.”
Announcement
Because a secret marriage may lead to confusion or disputes, and because recognition of the couple's new status by the community reinforces the couple's commitment, it is recommended that the announcement of the marriage be made publicly. This is often done through gatherings or public statements.Wedding/Nikah
After the mahr has been settled, the couple can become husband and wife upon completion of the nikah ceremony. This usually has two stages—a verbal agreement and a signing of the marriage contract.The nikah ceremony requires the groom, the bride, the bride's wali, two Muslim witnesses, and an officiant. The person officiating is usually an Imam, but the location may be a private home or office of a judge rather than a mosque.
The wali will first ask for the bride's consent and then for the groom's commitment, before officially announcing the marriage.
The verbal aspect involves both the bride and groom responding "Qubool" three times. This is followed by the written aspect, signing the marriage contract. From this point on, they are a married couple. Following the acceptance of the nikah and the witnessing of it, those present recite the fatihah.
Khutbah
Next comes the wedding sermon which typically starts with three verses from the Holy Qur’an, and one hadith,- Praise be to Allah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger
Offer Du’a and seek blessings
After the Nikah is concluded, a Du’a is recited to ask for a blessing of the marriage, following the advise of this hadith of Muhammad:- “When one of you marries, let him say: ‘May Allah bless you and unite you in goodness.'”
Headgear
Rings
Some Muslim couples have adopted the practice of wearing wedding rings. It is another practice that some scholars have forbidden the practice on the grounds that it imitates non-Muslims.Walima
A Walima is a banquet that functions much like a wedding reception. A Walima may occur the same day as a Nikah or months later. It may take place at a banquet hall or other large venue. It is organized and paid for by the groom's side. Some Muslim couples have adopted the foreign practice of having a wedding cake at the Walima, but at least some scholars advise that if a cake must be eaten, kufr practices such as eating cake in public should be avoided.Sending off
The zifaf is a sharia term. Rukhsati is the term used by South Asians. A third term for the consummation of the marriage is dukhul or dukhlah, which is used in Arab countries.Sending off typically happen a few hours after the nikah or at least after the wedding banquet, but it is permissible in Islam to wait a few months or years,.
Requirements, restrictions, forbidden practices
Consent
The majority of scholars, namely the Hanafi, Maliki, and Hanbali, consider the approval of the bride and the groom who reached puberty one of the conditions of the marriage contract. Shafi'i recommends strongly that daughters who are no longer minors be consulted before being married to someone.The Hanafi, Maliki and Hanbali schools of jurisprudence do not allow "forced marriages", where consent has not been given by the bride or groom, or is given only under excessive pressure.
This does not mean that parents/family are not allowed to persuade the prospective bride to do what the parents/family feel the bride should do. In at least one country, researchers who talked to Muslim parents of marriageable daughters, found that the parents "generally agreed that physical force is unacceptable, psychological and emotional pressure is not considered to be coercion", according to Baroness Sayeeda Warsi, a Muslim United Kingdom Conservative Party spokeswoman on community cohesion, Another study in the UK quoted a parent who used what they called "hard counselling... to brainwash her mind.... If you wanna call " to deal with a daughter who tried to marry a non-Muslim.
Researchers Samad and Eade also write that at least in the UK, Muslim and other immigrant parents often resort to forced marriages to control daughters after displays of "sexuality and independence" by them.
In Nigeria the website Online Nigeria states that "parental consent is necessary for the valid celebration of marriage under Islamic law". Consent to the marriage by the girl's marriage guardian "is mandatory".
Arranging for witnesses
Two adult male Muslims are required to witness the Nikah ceremony. A sahih hadith quotes Muhammad as saying:- “There is no Nikah without a wali and two witnesses.”
Polygamy
- "...Marry of the women that you please: two, three, or four. But if you feel that you should not be able to deal justly, then only one or what your right hand possesses. That would be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.".
Since the 20th century, changing economic conditions, female empowerment, and acceptance of family planning practices, have led to the decline in polygynous marriages within the Muslim world.. Nonetheless, it is still legal in most countries in the developing world, including over 150 countries in Africa and the Middle East, including a group of countries in West and Central sub-Saharan Africa, sometimes referred to as the “polygamy belt”. In the two most polygynous countries in that region — Nigeria and Burkina Faso — 40% of the Muslim population lives in polygynous households as of 2019.
Polygamy is legal, though often with restrictions, in most Muslim majority countries and most African countries, and illegal most everywhere else. Notwithstanding its illegality in Western countries, a 2008 estimate of the number of people in Muslim polygynous families in the U.S. was 50,000 to 100,000, and the number of Muslim polygamous families in the UK as of 2014 was estimated to be at 20,000.