Hmong customs and culture
The Hmong people are an ethnic group currently native to several countries, believed to have come from the Yangtze river basin area in southern China. The Hmong are known in China as the Miao, which encompasses not only Hmong, but also other related groups such as Hmu, Qo Xiong, and A-Hmao. There is debate about usage of this term, especially amongst Hmong living in the West, as it is believed by some to be derogatory, although Hmong living in China still call themselves by this name. Throughout recorded history, the Hmong have remained identifiable as Hmong because they have maintained the Hmong language, customs, and ways of life while adopting the ways of the country in which they live. In the 1960s and 1970s, many Hmong were secretly recruited by the American CIA to fight against communism during the Vietnam War. After American armed forces pulled out of Vietnam the Pathet Lao, a communist regime, took over in Laos and ordered the prosecution and re-education of all those who had fought against its cause during the war. While many Hmong are still left in Laos, Thailand, Vietnam, Myanmar, and China, since 1975 many Hmong have fled Laos in fear of persecution. Housed in Thai refugee camps during the 1980s, many have resettled in countries such as the United States, French Guiana, Australia, France, Germany, as well as some who have chosen to stay in Thailand in hope of returning to their own land. In the United States, new generations of Hmong are gradually assimilating into American society while being taught Hmong culture and history by their elders. Many fear that as the older generations pass on, the knowledge of the Hmong among Hmong Americans and other parts of the Hmong diaspora will die as well.
Social organization
The clan has been a dominant organizing force in Hmong society. There are about eighteen Hmong clans that are known in Laos and Thailand. Clan membership is inherited upon birth or occasionally through adoption. All children are members of the father’s clan, through which they will trace their ancestors. Women become members of their husband's family upon marriage but will retain their clan name of their father. Members of the same clan consider each other to be kwv tij, translated as "brothers", "siblings," and they are expected to offer one another mutual support. The term kwv tij is regarded as one's father's family or in the case of women who are married it refers to their in-laws. A related term neej tsa is the wife family after marriage. However, she regards her birth family to be her kwv tij until she is married. Also, many clans even consider each last name as kwv tij. Example: Khang, Kue, and Kong are kwv tij because they share a history of helping each other and respect for each other. Respected clan leaders are expected to take responsibility for conflict negotiation and occasionally the maintenance of religious rituals. Members of a clan who share the same ritual practices may identify as a group on the sub-clan level.| Hmong RPA | English | Chinese Character | Pahawh Clan Symbols |
| Faaj | Fang, Fa, | 黃 | |
| Haam | Hang, Hung | 項 | |
| Hawj | Hue, Heu, Her, Herr, Hur | 侯 | |
| Khaab | Khang, Kha | 康 | |
| Koo, Xoom | Kong, Soung | 龔，宋 | |
| Kwm | Kue, Ku | 古 | |
| Lauj | Lo, Lor, Lau, Lao | 劉 | |
| Lis | Lee, Ly, Li | 李 | |
| Muas | Moua, Mua, Mas | 馬 | |
| Phaab | Pha | 潘 | |
| Thoj | Thao, Thoa, Tho, Thor | 陶 | |
| Tsab | Cha, Chang, Tcha, Chah, Jiang, Zhang | 張 | |
| Tsheej | Cheng, Cheung, Chen, Shang | 陳 | |
| Tswb | Chue, Chu, Tchue | 朱 | |
| Vaj | Vang, Veng, Va, Wang, Wa | 王 | |
| Vwj | Vue, Vu, Wu | 吳 | |
| Xyooj | Xiong, Song | 熊 | |
| Yaj | Yang, Young | 楊 |
Marriage
groups are exogamous: that is, Hmong may not marry within their own clan group; a marriage partner must be found from another clan. For example, a Xiong may not marry another Xiong. However, they are allowed to marry blood relatives from their mother's side. This allows for such cases as two cousins related through their mother to marry, so long as they are in different clans. Traditionally, when a boy wants to marry a girl, he will make his intentions clear, and will "zij" or kidnap her at any opportunity that is appropriate. This is traditionally only a symbolic kidnapping.Before he may "zij" her, the boy must first give a gift to the girl whom he wants to marry. After waiting a few days, the boy may then "zij" the girl. If the boy never gave the girl a gift, she is allowed to refuse and return home with any family member who comes to save her. The parents are not notified at the time of the "zij", but an envoy from the boy's clan is sent to inform them of the whereabouts of their daughter and her safety. This envoy gives them the boy's family background and asks for the girl's in exchange. For example, the envoy may tell the girl's family that the groom is from a Stripe Hmong family from Luang Prabang, Laos; the bride's parents may then reply that they are Moob Leej/Mong Leng from Nong Het, Xieng Khouang, Laos. Before the new couple enters the groom's house, the groom's father performs a blessing ritual, asking the ancestors to accept the new bride into the household. The head of the household moves the chicken in a circular motion around the couple's head. The girl is not allowed to visit anyone's house for three days after this.
After three days or more, the groom's parents will prepare the first wedding feast for the newlywed couple. The wedding is usually a two-day process. At the end of this first wedding feast, the couple will return to the bride's family's home, where they spend the night preparing for the next day. On the second day, the family of the bride prepares a second wedding feast at their home, where the couple will be married. Hmong marriage customs differ slightly based on cultural subdivisions within the global Hmong community, but all require the exchange of a bride price from the groom’s family to the bride’s family.
The bride price is compensation for the new family taking the other family's daughter, as the girl's parents are now short one person to help with chores. The elders of both families negotiate the amount prior to the engagement and is traditionally paid in bars of silver or livestock. In modern times, settlements made in monetary terms are also common.
During the bride's time with the groom's family, she will wear their clan's traditional clothes. She will switch back to the clothes of her birth clan while visiting her family on the second day of the wedding. After the wedding is over, her parents will give her farewell presents and new sets of clothes. Before the couple departs, the bride's family provides the groom with drinks until he feels he can't drink anymore, though he will often share with any brothers he has. At this point the bride's older brother or uncle will often offer the groom one more drink and ask him to promise to treat the bride well, never hit her, etc. Finishing the drink is seen as proof that the groom will keep his promise. Upon arriving back at the groom's house, another party is held to thank the negotiator, the groomsman, and the bride's maid.
During and post-wedding, there are many rules or superstitious beliefs a bride must follow. Here are some examples:
- When the groom's wedding party is departing from the bride's house, during that process, the bride must never look back for it is to be a bad omen endured into her marriage.
- During the wedding feast, there are to be no spicy dishes or hot sauces served for it will make the marriage bitter.
- At some point during the wedding, an elder would come to ask the bride if she has old gifts or mementos from past lovers. She is to forfeit these items.
- The bridesmaid's, known as the green lady, job is to make sure the bride does not run off with a man as, historically, many girls were forced to marry and would elope with their current or past lovers.
When a husband dies, it is his clan's responsibility to look after the widow and children. The widow is permitted to remarry, in which case she would have two choices: she may marry one of her husband's younger brothers/ younger cousins or she can marry anyone from an outside clan. If she chooses to marry an extended member from her deceased husband's clan, her children will continue to be a part of that clan. If she chooses to remarry outside of her deceased husband's clan, her children are not required to stay with the clan unless a member of the clan is willing to take care of the children.. If no one from the deceased husband's clan is willing to raise the children, they will follow their mother into her second marriage. Once the children go with their mother to be a part of their stepfather's family, a spiritual ceremony may take place. The children can choose to belong to their stepfather's clan or they can choose to remain with their original clan. Often, regardless of the wishes of the mother or children, the clan would keep the son.
Polygamy has been documented as a form of marriage in Hmong culture. It is rare among those Hmong who have migrated to Western nations.
Divorce was rare in traditional Hmong society, however, it is becoming more prevalent in westernized Hmong communities. If a husband and wife decide to divorce, the couple's clans will permit divorce but will evaluate the situation fairly. If just the wife wants to divorce her husband without any firm grounds, the bride price must be returned to the husband’s family, as the wife will be the one choosing to leave the household. If just the husband wants to divorce his wife without any firm grounds, the husband will have to come up with some money to send the wife back to her family with all the daughters and the sons will stay with the husband, as the husband will be the one choosing to leave the household. By tradition, the man and the woman do not have equal custody of all the children. If it is determined the wife had committed adultery, the husband will receive custody of the sons, the bride price and an additional fine. However, if it is determined the husband had committed adultery or married a second wife and the wife can not continue being part of the family, she will have the option to peg the husband. If the husband allows it, she can take her children with her. If a divorced man dies, custody of any male children passes to his clan group.