Surrogate partner


Surrogate partners, formerly referred to as sex surrogates, are practitioners trained in addressing issues of intimacy and sexuality. The modality in which surrogate partners work is called surrogate partner therapy.
A surrogate partner works in collaboration with a talk therapist to meet the goals of their client.
This triadic model, composed of the client, talk therapist, and surrogate partner therapist is used to dually support the client and the surrogate partner therapist. The client engages with the surrogate partner therapist in experiential exercises and builds a relationship with their surrogate partner therapist while processing and integrating their experiences with their talk therapist or clinician.
Surrogate partner therapy is used to address obstacles to physical and emotional intimacy that a client is unable to resolve through traditional therapy and that require the involvement of a partner. Clients' presenting issues have commonly included sexual dysfunctions, lack of healthy intimate experiences, or traumatic history.

History

introduced the practice in their book Human Sexual Inadequacy, published in 1970. They believed that people could learn about sexual intimacy only by experiencing it. In their research, subjects that were partnered used these partners to aid in a series of exercises designed to help overcome sexual dysfunction. Unpartnered subjects were paired with "surrogates" who would take the place of a partner, work under the direction of a trained therapist, and act as a form of mentor for the client. In their research, all of the surrogates were women who were assigned to work with single men. Today, most surrogates are women, but a few are men. The practice of surrogate partner therapy reached its peak in the early 1980s, with a few hundred surrogate partners practicing in the U.S. Since then, the therapy's popularity has declined but reentered social consciousness after the 2012 film The Sessions, which depicts one surrogate partner's work with a disabled man. As of 2014, those practicing surrogate partner therapy were still very few in number.

Typical problems

Patients frequently present with these specific problems:
There are people who have experienced a change in sexual lifestyle due to an acquired disability, and a surrogate can help them explore and develop sexual potential. The causes of sexual concerns are numerous, and the methods a surrogate might use to help improve a client's sexual life are varied.

Process

The course of this therapy involves continued communication with both the talk therapist and the surrogate partner. The talk therapist is responsible for addressing the client's concerns and helping them explore ways to overcome their sexual problems through talk therapy. If the therapist and client deem it necessary that they need additional assistance, they can explore the option of working with a surrogate partner. Talk therapists are limited only to talk therapy, which is why a surrogate partner can be beneficial in helping address the client's concerns through exposure therapy, without the same limitations on touch. The talk therapist is responsible for relaying critical information and treatment goals to the surrogate partner for the meeting with the client, so that they may fully address their concerns during the interaction. The therapist, surrogate partner, and client work together to create their course of a treatment plan, the interaction between the client and the surrogate partner is essentially for the client to practice what they've learned with their therapist through talk therapy.

Phases of surrogate partner therapy

The methodology of this therapy is described to have four phases to achieve a successful treatment:
  1. Emotional connection
  2. Sensuality
  3. Sexuality
  4. Closure
The first step in surrogate partner therapy is for the surrogate to verbally create an emotional connection and bond with the client, to create a safe environment and address any boundaries and expectations. During this step, the surrogate and client can get to know each other as individuals and create a meaningful relationship. This first step is essential in making the client feel comfortable in pursuing this new type of therapy and laying a good foundation for practicing emotional intimacy.
The next step involves exploring the client's sensuality. This step may involve physical touch and nudity to help the client overcome their sexual concerns, but would not involve sexual arousal or interaction between one another. In this step, the surrogate partner may work on exercises with the client to help them feel more comfortable in their own body and near someone else's body, this may involve hugging, or cuddling.
In the third step, which, more often than not, is not completed as it is not necessary to achieve the therapeutic goals, the surrogate partner and client focus on sexuality. This may involve:
The fourth step is universal to all therapy and is closure, to close out the therapy once all parties are satisfied with the results.

Therapy

Since sexual problems can be psychological rather than physical, communication plays a key role in the therapeutic process between a patient and the surrogate partner therapist, as well as between the surrogate partner therapist and the talk therapist.
Surrogate partners offer therapeutic exercises to help the patient. These may include, but are not limited to relaxation techniques, sensate focusing, communication, establishing healthy body image, teaching social skills, sex education, as well as sensual and some sexual touching. Surrogate partner therapy begins with a meeting between the client, talk therapist, and surrogate partner therapist in which the goals of the client are discussed and the scope and arch of the therapy are established. Throughout the process, communication between surrogate partner therapist-client, client-talk therapist, and surrogate partner therapist-talk therapist is maintained.
By definition, Surrogate Partner therapy is solely performed with single persons. The surrogate partner therapist engages in education, often intimate physical contact, and only very rarely sexual activity with clients to achieve a therapeutic goal. Some surrogates work at counseling centers, while others have their own offices.

Nonfiction accounts

The 2003 Salon.com article "I Was a Middle-Aged Virgin", by Michael Castleman, discusses Roger Andrews and his therapy with the surrogate partner Vena Blanchard.
Mark O'Brien's 1990 account, "On Seeing a Sex Surrogate", described his experiences with Cheryl Cohen-Greene. This became the basis of the 2012 film The Sessions. The same year, Chase-Greene's An Intimate Life: Sex, Love, and My Journey as a Surrogate Partner appeared in print.

Documentaries

  • The 1985 documentary Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate explored the relationship between surrogate partner, her clients, and her clients' talk therapists.
  • The Discovery Fit & Health documentary My Sex Surrogate, first aired in 2013, follows a woman and a man as they each work with a surrogate partner. The surrogate partner who worked with him was Cheryl Cohen-Greene.
  • The National Geographic show Taboos episode "Forbidden Love" featured a professional surrogate partner in one of its segments.
  • This Is Life with Lisa Ling dedicated an episode to "Sexual Healing".

    Depictions in fiction

  • In a 1977 episode of the American sitcom Barney Miller titled "Sex Surrogate", a woman shoots her husband for seeing a surrogate partner therapist.
  • My Therapist, an American TV movie starring Marilyn Chambers, is about a surrogate partner therapist. It was based on her one-woman show Sex Surrogate, which in 1979 caused controversy in Vegas as it featured full-frontal nudity, which was banned from all casinos. In 1983, that one-woman show was spun off into a 26-part syndicated soap opera called Love Ya Florence Nightingale. It was broadcast on cable television channels such as the Playboy Channel.
  • In the two part episode "Party Girl" airing during Season 9 of American sitcom Night Court, which aired in 1992, the character Dan performed work as a surrogate partner therapist after meeting a woman who works as one.
  • In the Season 3 premiere of Boston Legal, titled, "Can't We All Get a Lung?," attorney Jerry Espenson, who has Asperger syndrome sees surrogate partner therapist Joanna Monroe at his counsel and compadre Alan Shore's behest.
  • The Israeli movie Surrogate is about a female surrogate partner therapist treating a man who was sexually abused as a child. The film was directed by Tali Shalom-Ezer and is based on research at Dr. Ronit Aloni's clinic in Tel Aviv.
  • In Franklin & Bash, the character of Peter Bash's mother, played by Jane Seymour, is a surrogate partner therapist.
  • The American movie The Sessions stars Helen Hunt as Cheryl, a surrogate partner therapist who helps polio survivor Mark lose his virginity at the age of 38, based on the true story of Mark O'Brien and Cheryl Cohen-Greene. O'Brien wrote about his experience in 1990.
  • In an episode of Anger Management, "Charlie and the Virgin", a friend of Kate is a 32-year-old virgin who is looking for her first-time sexual encounter with a man. Charlie Goodson decides to be her first encounter as a faux surrogate partner therapist, and she becomes attached to him. Later on she finds out that he was taking the place of a professional surrogate partner therapist for a real one provided to her.
  • In the American science fiction drama Her, Theodore engages with a surrogate partner therapist in order to bond more closely with his girlfriend Samantha, who ia an artificial intelligence.
  • The American movie She's Lost Control is about the professional and personal life of a surrogate partner therapist.
  • In season 1 episode 10 of Backstrom, "Love Is a Rose and You Better Not Pick It", the S.C.U. investigates when a young female surrogate partner therapist is found dead.
  • Masters of Sex Season 3 episodes "Monkey Business" and "Surrogates" feature surrogate partner therapy; the show is a drama based on the work of Masters and Johnson.
  • An episode of the American sitcom Too Close for Comfort has the character of Monroe, still a virgin, hiring a sex surrogat, only to misidentify a former tenant's sister as her.