List of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide characters
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide is an American comedy television series created by Scott Fellows for Nickelodeon, which ran from September 12, 2004, to June 8, 2007.Main
Ned Bigby
Ned Bigby is the main protagonist, who speaks to the viewer and created his school survival guide after being embarrassed when accidentally walking into the girls' bathroom in kindergarten. He often gets into trouble along with his closest friends Moze and Cookie. Ned is a smart kid, but he is also very lazy. Most of the time he scores below average, although he is perfectly capable of getting straight A's when he works seriously. He usually tries to find the easiest way to solve any personal problem, even if it is not necessarily the moral or logical way. Because of this, his plans sometimes backfire, but it teaches him lessons that he includes in the guide. Since he was eight years old, his dream girl has been Suzie Crabgrass. In the series finale, he and Moze start dating. He usually turns to Gordy, the school's janitor, for advice.Jennifer "Moze" Mosley
Jennifer Ann Mosely is Ned and Cookie's tomboyish best friend. Jennifer goes by the name of "Moze", a nickname created by Ned to differentiate from the other three "Jennifers" in their first grade class. In the first season, a recurring theme is her trying to break away from Ned and Cookie in the hope of finding a girl to be friends with. She eventually becomes best friends with former enemy Suzie Crabgrass. Moze is a volleyball player, has set the most school records, including one for the most school records, and shows exceptional talent in woodshop. She is the one Ned and Cookie typically come to for favors. She is a very good student, who most teachers trust. In "Double Dating and The Last of Day of School", she kisses Ned at a dance and a romance is hinted at. In the finale, they begin dating.Simon "Cookie" Nelson-Cook
Simon Nelson-Cook is Ned's other best friend who goes by the nickname "Cookie". He is a cybernerd who often uses his extensive technological knowledge to help himself and his friends. He has a motherboard in his locker, his pants double as a printer and his glasses are a computer display. Occasionally, Cookie takes on a female persona named Simone, usually in order to obtain information or get into parties. This disguise fools everyone save for Ned and Moze, because they knew about it beforehand. Cookie becomes infatuated with Lisa Zemo in season 3 after she undergoes a complete makeover. In the finale, Cookie, after countless attempts to ask her out, finally succeeds.Gordy
Gordy is Polk's lazy and incompetent daytime janitor and a former Polk student. While he often assists Ned, Moze and Cookie with their various schemes, he's obsessed with capturing a weasel living in the school. More often than not, he'll dismiss any actual work for the night janitor. He was once a dance instructor in the past, and went to law school three times. In Episode 20 of the Neds Declassified Podcast, creator Scott Fellows reveals that he and Daran Norris had created a backstory for Gordy, that he was a trust-fund baby who couldn’t hold down a job and was obsessed with playing golf. His father told Gordy he would lose access to the trust fund if he didnt have a job. Therefore Gordy got his janitorial position at Polk Middle School, ten minutes from the nearest golf course, to appease his father while still living a relatively carefree lifestyle as the kooky janitor.Mr. Monroe
Mr. Monroe is the Life Science teacher, as well as overseer of the Sewing Club and the boys' basketball team. Monroe appears primarily in the first season. He returns in "School Newspaper", saying that he was "living with the penguins" for a year, and only recurs in seasons 2 and 3.Supporting
The Weasel
The Weasel is a weasel that runs around the school since the series began due to an untidy student's locker, hinting that the weasel may have been that student's pet. Gordy wants to capture this weasel and has used numerous traps in the series and failed. In one episode, Gordy successfully captures the weasel, but after finding a robot that heads straight towards it, Gordy shows remorse and releases the weasel. In "Elections," the weasel was elected Class President. In the episode "Recycling," the weasel wins the school's recycling contest after stealing the reusable materials collected by everyone else to use for a nest, including Ned's Guide. The weasel and Gordy end up having a liking to each other at the end of the series, especially since, in the series finale, it is shown that the weasel is actually a female when she is shown nursing new weasel pups.Students
Suzie Crabgrass
Suzie Crabgrass is Ned's longtime crush and Moze's rival at every sport and club, but she becomes her best friend. Having ended up dating Billy Loomer for a short time at the beginning of season 2, in season 3 she begins to develop a crush on Ned, and they start dating in the episode "Popularity & Stressin' Out". She leaves temporarily in the third season episode "Hallways & Friends Moving" but comes back in "Tests & When You Like Someone That is Going Out with Someone Else". She was Ned's dream girl since she was eight. In the series finale, she hopes at first that she and Ned will be together, but then decides to date Loomer after seeing his change and because Ned started to like Moze instead.Billy Loomer
Billy Loomer, usually referred to simply as Loomer,, is the leader of a trio of bullies at Polk Middle School and he is the main antagonist of the show. Billy and his bully friends love picking on kids all throughout the school, especially Ned, Cookie, and Coconut-Head, and he hates the Killer Bees and the Huge Crew. For much of the series, he is dating Suzie Crabgrass, but he wants to break up with her so he can date Moze. He also has a crush on Cookie's alter ego Simone and is impressed by her knowledge of sports and automotive mechanics. At the end of the series, he changes from a violent bully into a kind, respectable, well-mannered young man. His name is a parody of Billy Loomis from the film Scream.Jerry Crony
Jerry Crony is one of Billy Loomer's best friends, who aids him in his bullying, with a penchant for fashion design that he tries to deny whenever he is seen in the school's sewing club. He is usually very nice and well-behaved when he is not around Loomer. He tries to ask Missy Meany out a few times over the course of the series but always fails due to his messy hair and clothes.Buzz Rodriguez
Buzz Rodriguez is one of Loomer's friends. He almost never speaks; Loomer even states that he has never spoken the entire time they have known each other. He talks for the first time in the episode "The Library and Volunteering,", stating that the reason he had never spoken before was that everything up until that point had been fine, so he felt no need to talk.Missy Meany
Missy Meany is a pretty, very popular school cheerleader. She turns out to be a nasty, conceited person who cheats at most anything and will stop at nothing to get her way. Starting in season 3, she develops an obsessive crush on Ned. After finding out that Ned will not return her feelings for him, she goes out with Jerry Crony in the finale. She also has two very tall bodyguards, who she cheerfully calls her collection team or more commonly, her "Missy Buddies." In "School Clubs" she rips off Ned's school survival guide with a club called the Missy's Declassified School Survival Manual Club, writing "Helpful Hints", which are really terrible ways to survive school and become popular.Coconut Head
Coconut Head is an often-ridiculed dorky friend of Ned, Moze, and Cookie, and a common bullying-target of Billy Loomer's violent gang. His real name is never revealed. His nickname is based on his hairdo, which looks like a coconut. As revealed in “Dodgeball”, he gets chronic nose bleeds, and has been getting them ever since he was three, which is no big deal. In multiple episodes it is shown that he is a talented free throw shooter at basketball. It is revealed that he has an operatic singing voice in the episode "Electives". In the episode "Valentine's Day," he is in love with the Huge Crew.Martin Qwerly is another geeky friend of Ned, Cookie, and Moze. He is extremely optimistic and is always seen talking, usually insanely fast. People usually cover his mouth during his fast-talks or put up a cardboard cutout of themselves next to him and leave. He is the class vice-president. In the episode "Video Projects" he pretends to be a ninja and is caught on video, causing him to become a laughingstock until Ned and Cookie add special effects and voiceover narration into the video, making him popular. His name is a pun of the phrase "smart and squirrelly" as seen in the episode "Project Partners."Claire Sawyer is a student at Polk who aspires to be a future lawyer. She often introduces herself by saying, "Claire Sawyer, future lawyer." Usually when she introduces herself in this manner to one of the three main characters, most commonly in season 1, they remind her that they have all known her since pre-kindergarten. She is always seen wearing a business suit. She appears when one of the characters needed consulting or if they needed help with something that seems like a legal issue. Her leitmotif parodies the first few notes of Symphony No. 5 by Ludwig van Beethoven.Lisa Zemo
Lisa Zemo is a geeky and good-natured friend of Ned, Cookie, and Moze who undergoes a complete makeover in season 3 of the show. She is allergic to many things, including cats, dogs, trees, nuts, and rap videos that exploit women. Because of her chronic allergies in seasons 1 and 2, she is almost always seen carrying a bottle of nasal spray. She had a crush on Cookie, who finds her creepy before her makeover but vies for her attention after it, competing with several boys. She temporarily reverts to her old self in "Spring Fever". She is the class treasurer.