How Not to Kill Yourself
How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind is a 2023 memoir by philosopher Clancy Martin, published by Pantheon Books, which is a subsidiary of Penguin Random House. The memoir documents Martin's struggles with depression and addiction as well as his rumination about suicide including his multiple suicide attempts throughout his life. The book was a finalist for the 2023 Kirkus Prize in non-fiction.
Narrative
The memoir spans Martin's turbulent life from childhood to present day, detailing his struggles with alcoholism, depression and ten suicide attempts. Martin details his distressing childhood, including his parents' divorce when he was five years old, the death of his step-sibling who fell from a building and his father's own alcoholism and mental health struggles. This culminated in Martin's first attempted suicide, at six years old, when he rode his tricycle in front of a bus. Martin explores the possible motivations people may have with regards to attempting or committing suicide, drawing on analysis regarding the subject from philosophers such as Hume, Nietzsche, Albert Camus, and contemporary philosophers and authors as well as a variety of Buddhist thinkers. Martin compares suicidality to alcoholism or other addictions, arguing that thinking about suicide may be addictive in and of itself. Martin further explores his own reasons for attempting suicide and reconciles these with his new motivations to continue living. These include being there for his five children as well as the Buddhist principle of being present in the moment, without distressing about the past or the future. Martin also explains his belief to keep living, based in Stoicism, that "the door will always be open", or that you have the right to kill yourself but that right will always be there and, “you can always kill yourself tomorrow. Take a breath, get some space: tomorrow isn’t here yet. And maybe you’ll find you can get through today.”In the last chapter, the book explains practical ways to avoid suicidal impulses or suicide attempts including partaking in regular exercise including walking outdoors, maintaining family connections, abstaining from alcohol and drugs. And the most important prevention to avoid suicide, as Martin suggests, is not to have a gun in the house. The appendix includes interviews with contemporary authors and thinkers, including Andrew Solomon about the subject of suicide and how to prevent it.