Forgiveness

Forgiveness, in a psychological sense, is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who has felt wronged, harmed, or hurt changes their feelings and attitude towards the offender, and overcomes the impact of the offense, including negative emotions such as resentment or desire for vengeance. Theorists differ in the extent to which they believe forgiveness also implies replacing the negative emotions with positive attitudes, or requires reconciliation with the offender.
Forgiveness is interpreted in many ways by different people and cultures. As a psychological concept and as a virtue, the obligation to forgive and the benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, moral philosophy, social sciences, and medicine. Most world religions include teachings on forgiveness, and many of these provide a foundation for various modern traditions and practices of forgiveness.
On the psychological level, forgiveness is different from simple condoning, excusing or pardoning, or forgetting. In some schools of thought, it involves a personal and "voluntary" effort towards the self-transformation of one's half of a relationship, such that one is restored to peace and ideally to what psychologist Carl Rogers has referred to as "unconditional positive regard" towards the other.
In many contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and may be granted without any response on the part of the offender. In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, such as an apology, or to explicitly ask for forgiveness, for the wronged person to believe themselves able to forgive.

Nature of forgiveness

, there is no consensus for a psychological definition of forgiveness in research literature. There is agreement that forgiveness is a process, and several models describing the process of forgiveness have been published, including one from a radical behavioral perspective.
Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin–Madison founded the International Forgiveness Institute and initiated forgiveness studies. He developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness. In that model, in order to forgive someone, the victim should examine the wrong they suffered, who caused it, and the context in which it happened; consider the anger they feel about it, any associated shame or guilt, and how it has affected them; decide whether they want to advance to an attitude of forgiveness, and, if so, work on understanding, compassion, and acceptance, and make a gesture of reconciliation to the offender; then, reformulate the way they remember the experience of being wronged and of developing forgiveness in order to healthily integrate this into their life story.
A longitudinal study showed that people who were generally more neurotic, angry, and hostile in life were less likely to forgive another person. They were more likely to avoid their transgressor and want to enact revenge two and a half years after the transgression.
Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentment. The first study to look at how forgiveness improves physical health discovered that when people think about forgiving an offender, their cardiovascular and nervous system functioning improves. Another study found that the more forgiving people were, the less they suffered from a wide range of illnesses. Less forgiving people reported a greater number of health problems.
Dr. Fred Luskin of Stanford University, author of Forgive for Good, presented evidence that forgiveness can be learned and has powerful, positive health effects. In three separate studies, including one with Catholics and Protestants from Northern Ireland whose family members were murdered during The Troubles, he found that people who are taught how to forgive become less angry, feel less hurt, are more optimistic, become more forgiving in a variety of situations, and become more compassionate and self-confident. His studies show a reduction in experience of stress, in physical manifestations of stress, and an increase in vitality.
In a study conducted in Rwanda to examine discourses and practices of forgiveness following the 1994 genocide, sociologist Benoit Guillou highlighted the extensive range of meanings associated with the term "forgiveness" and its underlying political nature. In the study's findings, Guillou presented four primary aspects of forgiveness to facilitate a clearer comprehension of both its applications and the circumstances in which forgiveness can contribute to the restoration of social connections.

Ideas about what forgiveness is not

Forgiveness does not encompass condoning, forgetting, or excusing the transgressor's actions. Additionally, the victim does not have to minimize their feelings of having been wronged in order to forgive, nor do they have to reconcile with the transgressor. The focus of forgiveness is not to deny or suppress anger; rather, its focus is on dealing with resentment. In particular, it is healthy to acknowledge and express negative emotions before one forgives. Forgiveness is also distinct from accountability or justice; punishment and compensation are independent of the choice to forgive, and the victim can forgive or not forgive while still pursuing punishment and/or compensation. While a victim may have granted decisional forgiveness, they may not have emotionally forgiven the offender or expressed forgiveness to them. Additionally, expressing emotions may be distinct from genuinely experiencing the emotions. Although it is heavily debated, emotional forgiveness is generally considered to be for the benefit of the victim and not the offender, unless the victim chooses to involve the offender by expressing forgiveness to them or reconciling. Forgiveness cannot be granted by an uninvolved party.

Timeliness

Psychologist Wanda Malcolm, in Women's Reflections on the Complexities of Forgiveness, outlines reasons why forgiveness takes time: working on self-care and/or personal healing may take priority ; issues of safety may need to be addressed; and facilitating forgiveness immediately after an interpersonal offense may be premature. Malcolm explains, "premature efforts to facilitate forgiveness may be a sign of our reluctance to witness our client's pain and suffering and may unwittingly reinforce the client's belief that the pain and suffering is too much to bear and must be suppressed or avoided."
Worthington et al. observed that "anything done to promote forgiveness has little impact unless substantial time is spent at helping participants think through and emotionally experience their forgiveness".

In philosophical thought

The philosopher Joseph Butler defined forgiveness as "overcoming of resentment, the overcoming of moral hatred, as a speech act, and as forbearance". In his 1962 lecture on "Freedom and Resentment"', philosopher P. F. Strawson described forgiveness as "a rather unfashionable subject in moral philosophy" at that time.

Religious views

Religion can affect how someone forgives. For example, one may work towards forgiveness through religious activity, religious affiliation and teachings, and imitation.

Abrahamic

Judaism

In Judaism, if a person causes harm, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is encouraged, but not required, to grant forgiveness:
In Judaism, one must go "to those he has harmed" to be entitled to forgiveness. One who sincerely apologizes three times for a wrong committed against another has fulfilled their obligation to seek forgiveness. This means that in Judaism a person cannot obtain forgiveness from God for wrongs they have done to other people. This also means that, unless the victim forgave the perpetrator before he died, murder is unforgivable in Judaism, and murderers will answer to God for it, though the victims' family and friends can forgive the murderer for their grief. The Tefila Zaka meditation, which is recited just before Yom Kippur, closes with the following:
Thus, the "reward" for forgiving others is not God's forgiveness for wrongs done to others, but rather help in obtaining forgiveness from the other person.
Sir Jonathan Sacks, chief rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth, summarized: "It is not that God forgives, while human beings do not. To the contrary, we believe that just as only God can forgive sins against God, so only human beings can forgive sins against human beings."
Jews observe a Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, on the day before God decides what will happen during the coming year. Just prior to Yom Kippur, Jews ask forgiveness of those they have wronged during the prior year. During Yom Kippur itself, Jews fast and pray for God's forgiveness for their transgressions against God in the prior year. Sincere repentance is required, and since God can only forgive one for the sins one has committed against God, it is necessary for Jews to also seek the forgiveness of those people who they have wronged.

Christianity

Forgiveness is central to Christian ethics. Unlike in Judaism, in Christianity God can forgive sins committed by people against people, since he can forgive every sin except for the eternal sin, and forgiveness from one's victim is not necessary for salvation. The Parable of the Prodigal Son is perhaps the best known parable about forgiveness and demonstrates God's forgiveness of those who repent. Hannah Arendt stated that Jesus was "the discoverer of the role of forgiveness in the realm of human affairs."
Forgiving offenses is a spiritual work of mercy. The Catholic Church believes in God's grace of forgiveness of sin and in the necessity of repentance in order to receive said forgiveness. According to Catholicism, God commands people to pray for forgiveness because he wants to forgive sin and rejoice over people, as well as for the same reason he grants the graces of contrition and prayer. When God forgives a sin, despite his omniscience, he forgets the sin, and at the particular and general judgments, only unforgiven sins will be judged. Those who refuse said forgiveness at the moment of death commit the eternal sin of final impenitence.
In Catholicism, there are sacramental and non-sacramental ways to obtain God's forgiveness of sin. Sacramental ways include baptism, confession, the Eucharist, and the anointing of the sick. Non-sacramental ways include the works of mercy and perfect contrition. Works of mercy can also be offered up for the partial forgiveness of the dead in Purgatory, and partial and plenary indulgences can respectively obtain partial and full forgiveness of temporary punishment - either for the person who obtains it or for the dead in Purgatory. The Apostolic Pardon is a plenary indulgence that Catholics, dying in sanctifying grace, can obtain for themselves. Divine forgiveness is considered infinitely greater than human forgiveness because it can grant preservative redemption and purge sin via deification.
Pope Benedict XVI, on a visit to Lebanon in 2012, insisted that peace must be based on mutual forgiveness: "Only forgiveness, given and received, can lay lasting foundations for reconciliation and universal peace". During a General Audience in 2019, Pope Francis encouraged forgiving others as God forgives oneself: "We are forgiven as we forgive others."