As I Have Always Been
"As I Have Always Been" is the ninth episode of the seventh season of the American television series Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Based on the Marvel Comics organization S.H.I.E.L.D., it follows a Life Model Decoy of Phil Coulson and his team of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as they are caught in a time storm, causing a time loop. It is set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and acknowledges the franchise's films. The episode was written by Drew Z. Greenberg and directed by series regular Elizabeth Henstridge in her directorial debut.
Clark Gregg reprises his role as Coulson from the film series, starring alongside Ming-Na Wen, Chloe Bennet, Elizabeth Henstridge, Henry Simmons, Natalia Cordova-Buckley, and Jeff Ward. Before her directorial efforts, Henstridge began shadowing other directors on the series beginning in the third season after expressing interest in directing to ABC beforehand. Henstridge's directing for the time loop story was inspired by other series and films featuring similar plots, such as Russian Doll and Groundhog Day. Due to its time loop nature, the episode features minimal visual effects, as it repeats the series' logo and reuses visual effects shots throughout. It also features the death of long-time recurring guest character Enoch.
"As I Have Always Been" originally aired on ABC on July 22, 2020, and was watched by 1.28 million viewers. The episode received critical acclaim and was regarded as one of the series' best. Critics praised Henstridge's direction, its balance of humor and emotional weight, and the performances of Gregg, Bennet, and Stoffer.
Plot
Following the events of "After, Before", the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents become trapped in a time vortex and a time loop. Being the only ones who can still remember everything that has happened throughout the multiple loops, Daisy Johnson and Phil Coulson attempt to figure out how to save everyone while ensuring the former does not die at the risk of losing her memories. Johnson and Coulson learn that Jemma Simmons' memories are suppressed by a brain implant designed to prevent her from remembering Leo Fitz's location. When Johnson attempts to remove the implant, she and Simmons are killed by a gas leak caused by a saboteur.After Coulson brings Johnson up to speed in the next time loop, the pair try to remove Simmons' implant again. However, Johnson deduces someone tampered with the surgical instrument used for the procedure. Daniel Sousa volunteers to test if the device has been booby-trapped to prevent Johnson's memories from being erased and ends up poisoned. In the next loop, Johnson confronts Sousa, whom she always finds sleeping next to her healing chamber. Sousa admits he is attracted to strong women and sees himself as someone who can help them up when they are down. In the following loop, Johnson kisses Sousa. Meanwhile, Coulson deduces that the saboteur is the team's Chronicom ally Enoch, who has been unwittingly programmed to prevent the brain implant's removal at all costs. After several unsuccessful attempts, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents subdue Enoch and remove Simmons' implant, causing her to instantly remember that Enoch's electrochron displacement mechanism can repair the time drive before collapsing into tears.
In the final loop before they will collapse into the vortex, the team approach Enoch, who willingly gives up the mechanism despite knowing it will kill him. As he dies, he reflects that he did not understand friendship or loneliness before joining the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and tells Johnson and Coulson that this will be their final mission as a team. The time drive is repaired, and the agents escape the vortex. Concurrently, having taken over Afterlife in the 1980s, Nathaniel Malick helps the Inhuman Kora control her powers.
Production
Development
After the sixth season finale of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. aired in August 2019, showrunners Jed Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jeffrey Bell revealed that the seventh season would feature the team trying to save the world from invasion by the Chronicoms. They used time travel to do this, allowing the season to explore the history of S.H.I.E.L.D. Later that month, one of the season's episodes was revealed to be titled "As I Have Always Been" and written by Drew Z. Greenberg. That November, series regular Elizabeth Henstridge was revealed to have directed the episode, making her directorial debut. It was confirmed to be the ninth episode of the season in July 2020.While acting on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Henstridge grew comfortable in the role and wanted to push herself by exploring other aspects of the industry. After admitting that directing was something she wanted to explore, Henstridge utilized ABC's shadowing program to pursue directing. She informally started inquiring about directing in season two, and began shadowing other directors on the series in the third season, learning from directors such as Jesse Bochco, Nina Lopez-Corrado, Garry A. Brown, Kevin Tancharoen, and fellow star Clark Gregg when he directed for the series in later seasons. Henstridge was told at the start of season seven that she would direct episode nine, with the writers giving her character Jemma Simmons a smaller role in the previous episode to allow time for Henstridge to prepare for "As I Have Always Been".
Writing
Henstridge did not learn her episode would feature a time loop until she was prepping the episode the week before filming. Knowing the season was jumping to different decades, Henstridge had anticipated her episode would be centered on a decade as past ones had been. With the focus of the episode on Phil Coulson and Daisy Johnson, Henstridge said the episode explores "some gorgeous, emotional, existential questions, but also a lot about their relationship. It's quite a healing episode, even though there are some really sad things that happen in it." She added that Daniel Sousa "has an integral role to play" in the episode. Speaking to Sousa and Daisy's kiss in the episode, Henstridge said since Sousa is "not one to necessarily talk about his feelings much", it offered some parallels to Agent Carter. She continued, "to have a man who is so supportive and in celebration of such strong women, was brilliant... We earned some really great moments of emotional revelation." There were several scenes that Greenberg knew he wanted to have in the script from the first time the episode's story was broken by the writers room: Daisy and Coulson talking about watching loved ones die; Sousa expressing his affection for "'people like' Daisy" and her realizing "how amazing he is because of it"; and Enoch's death scene.The title of the episode comes from a line Enoch says as he is dying. Joel Stoffer, who portrays Enoch, learned that the character would die earlier in the season, and felt his end was fitting for the character because he "became an integral part of the team and had learned so much from them over the years that putting himself out there for them came very naturally to him. It was a great, honorable way to leave the show." Stoffer also appreciated that Enoch reveals important information during the scene when he tells Daisy that he has seen the future and the team's mission will be their last one together. Stoffer regretted that Leo Fitz could not be present for Enoch's death since "a lot of the humor and a lot of the discovery that Enoch gets to put out there, was often bounced off of Fitz".