Something I Can Never Have
"Something I Can Never Have" is the fifth track by industrial rock band Nine Inch Nails from the 1989 debut album, Pretty Hate Machine. According to Loren Coleman, the song deals with suicidal themes.
A "deconstructed" version of the song was also included in the live album And All That Could Have Been. The accompanying live music video, with Jerome Dillon was also released. A version of the song with an alternate ending was used in the 1994 film Natural Born Killers.
Background
Trent Reznor co-produced the track in London with John Fryer, although Reznor "kind of backed away" from it. He felt that Fryer's production gave the track a "dreamy quality", as the piano is heavily filtered and features a large amount of reverb. The track also features elements of unused backing tracks by This Mortal Coil, a music collective that Fryer was part of; while these were initially included by accident, both Reznor and Fryer felt they fit well in the track.Following the song's main topic, Reznor struggled with depression during the five years following the release of The Downward Spiral in 1994; his health worsened when he began abusing alcohol, cocaine, and other drugs, before completing rehab in 2001. He also had suicidal tendencies due to these issues. In a 2005 interview, Reznor stated that he was "pretty happy".