My Schizophrenic Life
My Schizophrenic Life: The Road to Recovery from Mental Illness is a 2010 memoir by Canadian artist Sandra Yuen MacKay. Published by Bridgeross Communications, the book is a first-person retelling of MacKay's life, especially after her early diagnosis with paranoid schizophrenia. Later diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, MacKay recounts her childhood, going to university, occupational history, marriage, her art, and hallucinations and hospitalizations as a result of her mental illness. The book concludes with the author recognizing that her illness is not a "life sentence".
My Schizophrenic Life received plaudits from reviewers for encouraging hope for recovery among the mentally ill, though one reviewer called the book's writing style disjointed. After the book's publication, MacKay won the 2012 Courage to Come Back award from the non-profit agency Coast Mental Health.
Author and background
The author of the book is Sandra Yuen MacKay, a Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada-based artist and writer. She graduated from Langara College with a diploma in Fine Arts, later completing a Bachelor of Arts in art history from the University of British Columbia. Her writings have been published in The Prairie Journal, The Bulletin, and Front Magazine. MacKay wrote a draft of the book in six months; certain excerpts included in the book were previously published in The Bulletin. These excerpts were slightly edited for the book.Bridgeross Communications published My Schizophrenic Life in 2010.
Plot summary
The book recounts MacKay's childhood, going to university, her occupational history, marriage, art, and her hallucinations and hospitalizations as a result of mental illness. Growing up in Vancouver, MacKay had a normal childhood, but increasingly felt inadequate and shy in high school. She experienced apathy and a poor ability to engage socially, but stated that those could have been attributed to average teenage behavior.Olfactory, auditory, and visual hallucinations started in grade nine for MacKay, as she stated she developed a relationship with the imagined voice of a popular classmate. Her hygiene deteriorated as she believed she was spied on in the shower. She wore the same clothes every day, and thought about poisoning her family's food with cleaning powder. After she vandalized her home and refused to take medication, she was taken to a hospital's psychiatric ward, where she received a Haldol injection and a paranoid schizophrenia diagnosis.
Now in a different psychiatric ward, MacKay was sexually assaulted by another patient, but was released under a psychiatrist. An acquaintance, Greg, asked MacKay on a date and she accepted. She graduated from high school, and attended and graduated from community college with a Fine Arts diploma. Immediately afterwards, she enrolled at a university on a government scholarship for art history She notes that her ability to concentrate was impeded by her medications and "mania, depression delusions". She graduated university, though she took longer than other students.
She began work at her father's architectural firm. She married Greg, and switched from seeing an individual psychiatrist to seeing a mental health team, composed of a psychiatrist, case managers, nurses, and support staff in addition to others. She was readmitted to a psychiatric ward around spring 1998, but discharged two weeks later. A psychiatrist diagnosed MacKay with schizoaffective disorder, a combination of schizophrenia and a mood disorder. She studied acrylic painting at a local art studio, focusing on texture, perspective, light, and shadow: a painting of an iris she drew was sold and given to Vancouver Coastal Health's chief executive officer.
MacKay started to give public speeches; in one, a speaker before her went over the causes of schizophrenia. She noted how she had several friends, a contrast to years ago when she had none. On facing stigma, MacKay suggests either ignoring it or confronting it assertively. In the final chapter "eflections", MacKay states the importance of hope for those with mental illnesses, and stresses the importance of insight to her mental wellness. The book concludes with the author recognizing that her illness is not a "life sentence".