Assy McGee

Premise and episode structure

Characters

• Assy McGee – a walking, talking lower torso with exposed buttocks. Horribly violent, an alcoholic and clinically depressed, Assy is a parody of the 1970s/1980s movie cops as seen in such films as Dirty Harry, Lethal Weapon and Cobra: trigger-happy, tough, at times hopelessly depressed, and in conflict with his fellow officers as often as he is in conflict with crime. Assy has a slurred style of speech similar to Sylvester Stallone, though it is "gassy" sounding and muffled, possibly due to his anatomy or inebriation, however has been shown to have an excellent ability to sing classical music. He also quotes and mimics some of Stallone's most memorable characters, shouting Judge Dredd's catch phrase "I am the law!" in episode five "Mexican Rain" and reenacts the Rocky training scene in episode seven "Ring of Fire".
• Detective Don Sanchez – Assy's partner and a version of the good cop stereotype. He has a wife and three children, including a son named Rudolpho and a daughter named Giselle, and often finds himself playing the voice of reason to Assy. Sanchez is a loyal partner towards Assy, often talking to Assy about a case in the middle of the night and is highly tolerant of Assy's antics no matter how much trouble they get him in.
• Greg "The Chief" – almost always referred to as "The Chief", is the chief of the Exeter police department. He often argues with Assy over cases, yet is mesmerized when Assy is able to solve a case.
• The Mayor – The African-American mayor of the city, as the head of Exeter, the Mayor is corrupt and idiotic. He is also obsessed with re-election and will disregard or manipulate the facts of a case in order to further his political career. The Mayor also frequents "massage parlors" that are under police investigation for being fronts for prostitution.
• Officer DiLorenzo – a heavy-set, thick-headed, light-skinned police officer for the Exeter police department. DiLorenzo often teases Assy and doubts his actions. He seems to be a rather hated person in the Exeter police department, as Assy and the other officers are known to refer to him as "DiRetardo" as a result in numerous episodes to DiLorenzo's chagrin. Despite this, he seems to be a hard worker during appropriate times. He was instructed by the chief to follow Assy around while Detective Sanchez was in the hospital following a heart attack. In "Pharmassy", DiLorenzo's improv as a pizza guy prevents the Mayor of Exeter from getting shot; however, the result gets DiLorenzo gunned down instead, causing the other officers to cheer and hand money to each other. DiLorenzo is also a good singer, as he demonstrates it during Glen's funeral in the episode "Irish Wake".
• Glen – was the split-eyed bartender for Bill W's, the bar that Assy often attends in the show. In Season 1, Glen once bailed Assy out of prison, despite being the person responsible for putting him in there in the first place. He also made Assy walk home from the prison afterwards. In "Irish Wake", Glen was tragically murdered by an Irish bookie named Mikey O’Brien after failing to pay up loans for losing wagers, although he was replaced with a different bartender soon after.
• "The Father" – is the currently nameless religious figure from whom Assy often seeks spiritual healing & guidance. He is usually found sitting at the bar in Bill W's.
• Ling – a Japanese woman who runs a massage parlor/brothel that Assy frequents. She appears to be one of Assy's underground sources/informants. In the first episode, she had a group of ninjas working for her. While Assy is getting a massage by her employee Suki, she had them attack Sanchez after he inquired about the Massage Parlor's founder—a hooker named Abigail who was accidentally killed by President John Adams in 1799, only for her body to be discovered in modern-day Exeter. After killing the ninjas, Assy and Sanchez chase down the Masseuse after she flees. They catch her and at gunpoint, she reveals that John Adams was Abigail's killer. In later episodes, she is more forthcoming with information and gives Assy massages herself.

  Episodes

Season 1 (2006–07)

Season 2 (2008)

Broadcast