Breakup
A relationship breakup, breakup, or break-up is the ending of a relationship. The act is commonly termed "dumping " in slang when it is initiated by one partner. The term is less likely to be applied to a married couple, where a breakup is typically called a separation or divorce. When a couple engaged to be married breaks up, it is typically called a "broken engagement". People commonly think of breakups in a romantic aspect, however, there are also non-romantic and platonic breakups, and this type of relationship dissolution is usually caused by failure to maintain a friendship.
Susie Orbach has argued that the dissolution of dating and cohabiting relationships can be as painful as or more painful than divorce because these nonmarital relationships are less socially recognized.
Kamiar-K. Rueckert argues with the works of Donald Winnicott that the ability to be alone is an essentially healthy sign of emotional development and maturity. Once a child has obtained closeness and attachment by their early caregivers, they are able to develop autonomy and identity. If children have not introjected the good and protective qualities of their parents, they will fear separation and break-ups.
Models
Several psychological models have been proposed to explain the process of a relationship breakup, many suggesting that relationship dissolution occurs in stages.Mark L. Knapp, a foundational scholar on the subject of interpersonal relationships, created a model called Knapp's relational development model. He describes two separate phases of relationships, coming together and coming apart.
The coming together phase is meant to be long-term, beginning in the initiation phase and becoming deeper with time and intimacy. In the coming apart phase, differentiating begins. This is when the individuals began noticing differences that may seem unnegotiable or place pressure on the relationship. This leads to circumscribing where the individuals begin to pull apart, set boundaries, and have their own independent lives. This may cause issues to arise. At this point, the relationship reaches stagnation where the couple stays together for other reasons rather than their will to do so. Examples include children. The next stage is avoidance in which the individuals try to stay away from each other as much as possible. They, then, reach termination, where the relationship is over and they go their separate ways.
Stages leading to a breakup
L. Lee proposes that there are five stages ultimately leading up to a breakup.Cycle of a breakup
Steve Duck outlines a six-stage cycle of relationship breakup:Factors that predict a breakup before marriage
Hill, Rubin and Peplau identify five factors that predict breakup before marriage:Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution
and Levenson outline the Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution, in which four negative nonverbal behaviors lead to the breakdown of a marriage/relationship:Uncoupling theory
In 1976, sociologist Diane Vaughan proposed an "uncoupling theory", where there exists a "turning point" in the dynamics of relationship breakup – 'a precise moment when they "knew the relationship was over," when "everything went dead inside – followed by a transition period in which one partner unconsciously knows the relationship is going to end, but holds on to it for an extended period, even for years.Vaughan considered that the process of breakup was asymmetrical for initiator and respondent: the former 'has begun mourning the loss of the relationship and has undertaken something tantamount to a rehearsal, mentally and, to varying degrees, experientially, of a life apart from the partner'. The latter then has to play catch-up: 'to make their own transition out of the relationship, partners must redefine initiator and relationship negatively, legitimating the dissolution'.
As a result, for Vaughan 'getting out of a relationship includes a redefinition of self at several levels: in the private thoughts of the individual, between partners, and in the larger social context in which the relationship exists'. She considered that 'uncoupling is complete when the partners have defined themselves and are defined by others as separate and independent of each other – when being partners is no longer a major source of identity'.
Conscious uncoupling
, a licensed marriage and family therapist, originated the term "conscious uncoupling" in 2009. Thomas began teaching this new approach to divorce to students throughout the world.The term received popularization by Gwyneth Paltrow, who used the phrase to describe her divorce with Chris Martin. Paltrow had her doctors Dr. Sherry Sami, and Habib Sadeghi and his wife explain the Conscious Uncoupling when she first made the news of her divorce public. A "conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing," Habib Sadeghi explained. "From this perspective, there are no bad guys, just two people, it's about people as individuals, not just the relationship".
Consequences
Depending on the individual, breakups can be stressful, unpleasant, and traumatic events. Both parties could feel a large number of negative effects as a result of the relationship's dissolution, and these events often gain the reputation for being some of the worst events in people's lives. These could include psychological distress symptoms, grief reactions, an overall decline in psychological well-being, and potential stalking behaviors. Individuals often work hard to keep their relationships intact because of how significantly distressing and problematic these negative effects can be, even in the face of potential complications in their relationship, for as long as they can bear it.Negative effects
Psychological distress symptoms
Individuals who had just recently experienced the dissolution of a romantic relationship reported several symptoms of acute psychological distress. These included flashback and intrusive memories associated with their partner, often triggered by important dates associated with either the relationship or the breakup. These intrusive distress symptoms manifested in various ways for both the individual who initiated the breakup and their partner, such as being reminded of certain aspects of their behavior or their preferences.Another set of psychological distress symptoms that were reported by individuals who had experienced a romantic relationship breakup fell under the category of avoidance behavior. Being without their partner causes their self-concept to shift as they struggle through emotional distress. This involves an active attempt at denying or ignoring the circumstances of the current situation, or those that led to the dissolution of the relationship. In relation to this, individuals also noted feeling numb and uninterested with the world around them because of the breakup.
The combination of this desire to engage in avoidance behaviors and the intrusive memories that may naturally come up cause individuals to feel significant emotional swings and outbursts in the form of irritation, anger, and startle responses. Individuals were noted as being far more paranoid, suspicious, and jealous, often tied towards a desire to know information about their ex-partner.
Overall, these psychological distress symptoms come together to result in a significantly lower level of self-esteem among individuals who have just undergone the dissolution of a romantic relationship. Additionally, individuals undergo a significant redefinition of their self-concept, as they attempt to understand who they are without their ex-partner. This compounds upon the psychological distress symptoms that they feel from the loss of the relationship and is the most significant negative effect that people undergoing a breakup experience.
Grief reactions
A natural effect of the loss of a relationship that an individual had hoped to keep is grief, because the desire to keep relationships intact despite problems and complications is a natural human desire. This results in individuals undergoing a breakup displaying grief reactions that include symptoms like sleeplessness, depression, and suicidal thoughts. This tendency to express grief and depression is so prevalent that researchers point to it being a significant contributor to the first onset of major depressive disorder in young adults.The extent of these grief reactions is not limited to the time frame immediately following the dissolution of the romantic relationship. Even some time after the breakup, people who are asked to recall depressing or negative events in their lives commonly make reference to traumatic events of this nature. This negative effect can be attributed to the severity of the grief reaction that people who suffer through a breakup display, making a significant mark in their lives that they are unlikely to forget.
Decline in psychological well-being
In addition to these specific negative effects, individuals who are suffering through a breakup report a general decline in their psychological well-being. The general negative emotion that they feel often triggers other behaviors and habits that are either detrimental to their mental health or signify poor mental health conditions. These include:- increased alcohol use
- weight loss
- worsening physical health
- admissions to psychiatric services
- increased criminal behavior
- increased risk of suicide
- negative emotions and feelings
Stalking behaviors