Table manners
Table manners are the social customs or rituals used while eating and drinking in a group setting. While different cultures have established different eating rituals, in general the rules pursue similar goals, with focus on cleanliness, consideration for other diners, and the unity of the group sharing the meal. Each gathering may vary in how strictly these customs are insisted upon.
Importance
Sharing food in company of others satisfies the dual purposes of sustenance and community. Human brains are sensitive to the deviations from the routine, so in order to "fit in", every person is trained, from the very early age, to obey the table manners of a particular group.Shared meals are often used to celebrate or commiserate significant life events such as weddings, birthdays, personal achievements and funerals. The established patterns of table manners helps people to navigate these sometimes stressful occasions.
Shared meals can assist to reinforce a social group and maintain its cohesiveness: in Victorian times manners were "the barrier which society draws around itself, a shield against the intrusion of the impertinent, the improper, and the vulgar." Eating habits can be used as class markers, for instance this role was played by caviar, champagne, goat cheese for upper classes, as notes by the Classical Antiquity.
Origins
The need for eating − and the desirability of sharing of food − lies at the root of human behavior, thus table manners have been argued to be as old as the humanity itself, and are present in any modern society.The eating rituals might be quite artificial, although their evolution is mostly guided by practical reasons for most of them, including neatness, cleanliness, and noiselessness. For example, eating spaghetti with bare hands, not unusual in the 19th-century Italy, is unacceptable nowadays. Not just the meals themselves, but their schedule are tightly controlled, probably stemming from the meals held when the ancient hunters and gatherers were bringing food to share from their outings.
Education
Notable role in spreading the table manners was played by the court of Louis XIV, where gaining the power required staying close to the king himself, the feat requiring, among other skills, good table manners in order not to offend other people. When the bourgeois gained access to court, etiquette books were produced to bring them up to speed, like Nouveau traité de la civilité qui se pratique en France parmi les honnestes gens by. The Church of France started teaching good manners in its schools and producing textbooks on the subject.After the 16th century, the spread of table manners was helped by the introduction of the institution of "childhood", where the introduction of children to the adult world was delayed and substituted by a crash course in civility that includes teaching of table manners starting at an early age.
There is a section on table etiquette in the deuterocanonical Book of Sirach, dated to around 200-175 BC.
Evolution
Table manners evolve with time, but quite slowly. One of the purposes of any ritual is conservation, so the evolution of manners happens gradually and against unwillingness of most participants. The new habits are usually invented by the elites, and it takes decades and occasionally centuries before the widespread acceptance. For example, the introduction of forks into the Western etiquette took 800 years, from the first mention as a novelty in the 11th century document to the universal adoption as an affordable attribute of the civilized behavior.In the Western world, a major change occurred during the Renaissance, when the term "courtesy" was changed to "civility", applying to everyone. In the process, a public display of bodily functions, from belching to spitting − and even mentioning them − became impolite, "walls" were put around fellow eaters who started to use their own utensils, avoided touching even their own food by fingers, and adopted body postures minimizing brushes against their neighbors.
Critique and humor
Early books on table manners mostly concentrated on the actions to avoid, sometimes providing extremely rude behaviour as examples of bad manners. In the 16th-century Germany, multiple humorous books on manner have been printed that used florid language to suggest ridiculous acts: "if you want to improve your health, increase your standing in the community, and do yourself justice, you really must grab what you want off the table". Jonathan Swift in his Directions to Servants suggests that the cook uses bare hands to do everything in order to preserve his master's utensils.Erasmus declared the external decorum to be the "crassest part" of philosophy. He still published a book, On Civility in Children, that was reprinted countless times, eventually loosing gross advice like "Fidgeting in one's seat, shifting from side to side, gives the appearance of repeatedly farting, or of trying to do so".
Enforcement
For those who fail to behave appropriately, society's primary punishment is social exclusion, a rejection that is felt perhaps most profoundly around the dining table.Bourgeois were notable for stricter adherence to the table manners than nobility, even in the absence of external constraints. Their self-imposed restrictions were driven by fear of losing a lot in case of a blunder that turned out to be a better motivator than the obedience and self-interest of courtiers. Erasmus in his book for children suggests, "Grasping the bread in the palm of the hand and breaking it with the fingertips is an affected practice which should be left to certain courtiers. You should cut it properly with your knife...".
Europe
Traditionally in European Countries, the host or hostess takes the first bite unless the host invites others to start. The host begins after all food for that course has been served and everyone is seated. In religious households or formal institutions, a family meal may commence with saying grace, or at dinner parties the guests might begin the meal by offering some favorable comments on the food and thanks to the host. In a group dining situation it is considered impolite to begin eating before all the group have been served their food and are ready to start.Napkins should be placed on the lap and not tucked into clothing. Napkins are primarily for wiping one's mouth and should be placed unfolded on the seat of one's chair should one need to leave the table during the meal, or placed unfolded on the table when the meal is finished.
The fork is held with the left hand and the knife held with the right. The fork is held generally with the tines down, using the knife to cut food or help guide food on to the fork. When no knife is being used, the fork can be held with the tines up. With the tines up, the fork balances on the side of the index finger, held in place with the thumb and index finger. The fork shall not be held like a shovel, with all fingers wrapped around the base. A single mouthful of food should be lifted on the fork and one should not chew or bite food from the fork. The knife should be held with the base into the palm of the hand, not like a pen with the base resting between the thumb and forefinger. The knife must never enter the mouth or be licked. When eating soup, the soup spoon is held in the right hand and the bowl tipped away from the diner, scooping the soup in outward movements. The soup spoon need not be put entirely into the mouth, and soup should be sipped from the side of the spoon, not the end. Food should be chewed with the mouth closed. Talking with food in one's mouth is seen as very rude. Licking one's fingers and eating too slowly or too quickly can also be considered impolite as it can disrupt the flow of the meal for the group.
Food should always be tasted before salt and pepper are added. Applying condiments or seasoning before the food is tasted is can be construed as a lack of faith in the cook's ability to appropriately season the meal during cooking.
Butter should be cut, not scraped, from the butter dish using a butter knife or side plate knife and put onto a side plate, not spread directly on to the bread. This prevents the butter in the dish from gathering bread crumbs as it is passed around. Bread rolls should be torn with the hands into mouth-sized pieces and buttered individually, from the butter placed on the side plate, using a knife. Bread should not be used to dip into soup or sauces. As with butter, cheese should be cut and placed on the plate before eating.
When eating with other people, pouring one's own drink is acceptable, but it is more polite to offer to pour drinks to the people sitting on either side. Wine bottles can be removed from an ice bucket to indicate they are empty, rather than turned upside down.
It is impolite to reach over someone's plate to pick up food or other items. Diners should always ask for items to be passed along the table to them. In the same vein, diners who are not themselves using the item should pass those items directly to the person who asked, or to someone else who can pass them along to the person. It is also seen as rude to slurp food, eat noisily or make noise with cutlery.
A diner should attempt to sit upright, and keep elbows as off the table.
When one has finished eating, regardless of whether the plate is empty or not, this can be communicated to others by placing the knife and fork together on the plate at either the 6 o'clock position, or the 4 o'clock position. The fork tines should face upwards. The napkin, if there is one, should be folded to the left of the plate. This is particularly customary in restaurants, where it is understood as a cue by waiters that one's plate can be collected.
At family meals, children are often expected to ask permission to leave the table at the end of the meal, while adults remain talking, this varies extensively by country, culture and family.
Mobile phones may be left on silent and kept away with exceptions for commitments to parenting and on-call work. If a call needs to be answered or returned, the diner may excuse themselves and take the call out of ear-shot.