Marriage in Pakistan
Marriage in Pakistan pertains to wedding traditions established and adhered to by Pakistani men and women. Despite their local and regional variations, marriages in Pakistan generally follow Islamic marital jurisprudence. Marriages are not only seen as a union between a husband and a wife, but also an alliance between their respective families. These traditions extend to other countries around in the world where Overseas Pakistani communities exist.Before the wedding
Search
Searching for a potential groom or bride is the first step of traditional Pakistani marriages. Beyond age 20, both men and women are considered potential grooms and brides. Most marriages in Pakistan are traditional arranged marriages, semi-arranged marriages or love marriages.
- Arranged marriage occurs when a member of the family, a close friend or a third person party helps bring two supposedly compatible people together in matrimony. The groom and bride have usually never met before, and any interaction between them is akin to small talk with a stranger. This form of marriage is considered traditional, but is losing popularity among the newer generations.
- Semi-arranged marriage is a growing trend where both men and women interact with one another before marriage. Both the man and woman have usually had several "meet and greet" opportunities, thereby allowing both to gain a sense of familiarity. This process can occur over a span of a few months to a few years and may or may not culminate in marriage. However, if both agree upon marriage, the potential groom will approach his family to send a proposal to the family of the potential bride.
- Love marriages are rare, since the concept of "family consent" has been eliminated. Such "free-will" challenges traditional mindsets as it "dishonours" the powerful institution in Pakistani society - the family. Without family consent, marriages are usually frowned upon.
Proposals
Once a decision has been made by either the man or woman or both, one or more representatives of the potential groom's family pay a visit to the potential bride's family. In arranged marriages, the first visit is purely for the parties to become acquainted with one another and does not include a formal proposal. Following the first visit, both the man and woman have their say in whether or not they would like a follow-up to this visit. Once both parties are in agreement, a proposal party is held at the bride's home, where the groom's parents and family elders formally ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage. In semi-arranged marriages, the first or second visit may include a formal proposal, since both the man and woman have already agreed to marriage prior - the proposal is more or less a formality. In love marriages, the man directly proposes to the woman. Once the wedding proposal is accepted, beverages and refreshments are served. Depending on individual family traditions, the bride-to-be may also be presented with gifts such as jewelry and a variety of gifts. Some religious families may also recite Surah Al-Fatihah.Engagement
An engagement is a formal ceremony to mark the engagement of the couple. It is usually a small ceremony that takes place in the presence of a few close members of the would-be bride's and groom's families. Rings and other items of jewelry among affluent families are exchanged between the would-be bride and groom. In traditional engagement ceremonies, the bride and the groom are not seated together, and the rings are placed on the bride's finger by the groom's mother or sister, and vice versa. However, segregated engagement ceremonies have become a rarity among the newer generations and rings are usually exchanged between the couple. A prayer and blessings are then recited for the couple, and the wedding date is decided.Wedding
A typical Pakistani wedding, or Shaadi consists of two main events - the Nikah and Walima. Arranged and semi-arranged marriages in Pakistan often take long periods of time to finalize and up to a year or more can elapse from the day of engagement until the wedding ceremony. Wedding customs and celebrations vary upon ethnicity and religion.Nikah
The Nikah is the formal marriage ceremony where a marriage contract, or Nikahnama, is signed by both the bride and the groom in presence of close family members. The Nikah is typically performed by a religious scholar at a mosque, such as an imam, mufti, sheikh or mullah, who in Pakistan will be licensed by the government to perform the ceremony. The bride and groom must both have two witnesses present to ensure that the marriage is consensual.Walima
The Walima is the formal reception hosted by the husband and wife and officially makes the marriage public. It is typically a huge celebration with many relatives and as well as invited guests of both families in attendance. Traditionally, the Walima was hosted at home but nowadays are increasingly being held at marriage halls, restaurants or hotels.Regional variations
There are considerable regional variations for weddings in Pakistan.Baloch weddings
Baloch weddings are known to be lavish and short. In Balochi language, the groom is referred to as the Saloonk, while the bride is referred to as the Banoor. Baloch marriages often takes only one or two days to complete.Zamati
Zamati is referred to as the marriage proposal in Balochi language. Under Baloch cultural norms, elders of the potential groom's family visit the home of the potential bride's family and make an official request for their willingness for the two to be married. In the past, the decision to accept a proposal would be made by the family elders of the potential bride. Nowadays, the potential bride is asked if she would be interested in accepting the proposal. Once accepted, the would-be bride is presented with a decorated red scarf and gifts.Habar Bandi
Habar Bandi is referred to as the engagement in Balochi language. Habar translates into decision, while bandi translates into union. This period is very important part of Baloch wedding, as legal obligations are fixed.Bijjar
Bijjar is referred to as cooperation in Balochi language. In actuality, this is the receiving of contributions, whereby the groom or his family members receive financial help from community members to smoothly perform the wedding and initial months of the newly weds. Bijjar usually came in the form of cattle or crops but nowadays is mainly money, which is repaid back at weddings of relatives and friends at a later time.Lotokhi
Lotokhi is referred to as invitation in Balochi language. Women from both families are given this task to write up a list of all those invited. Later, this list is used to note down the gifts that were given by each invitee. Later, the debt is repaid at future weddings or events.Jol Bandi
Jol Bandi is a Baloch wedding ceremony which marks the beginning of the wedding ceremony. It is normally held at the bride's home, and is similar in concept to Rasm-e-Heena. "Jol" translates into large well decorated cloth, while "bandi" in this case means to tie together. During this ceremony, the bride is covered with the decorated cloth, usually sewn by the groom's family.Dozokhi & Henna Bandi
Dozokhi and Heena Bandi is a Baloch wedding ceremony whereby henna is applied onto the bride's hands. It is often the most energetic part of the wedding, whereby friends and family members put money in a plate above the head of the bride, called Leth. As evening approaches, the mahfil and khorag occurs.Mahfil & Khorag
Mahfil is referred to as gathering in Baloch language, while Khorag is referred to as food. During the gathering, the traditional Baloch dance called Chaap is performed by the men.Jannh
Jannh is a Baloch wedding ceremony hosted by the family of the groom.Nikah
Same traditions as noted above.Mobaraki
Mobaraki is a post-wedding banquet common in Baloch wedding and is hosted by the family of the bride. The entire groom's family, friends and relatives are invited along with relatives and friends of the bride's family.Walima
Same traditions as noted above.Pashtun weddings adhere to the customs and values of Pashtunwali. In the past, marriages were based mainly on tribal affiliations.Wadah
‘’Wadah’’ is a Pashto term which literally refers to "promise", but is also could mean "marriage".Attan
Attan is a Pashtun dance usually performed at the end of the marriage ceremonies. Traditionally however, the dance was performed twice - once at the beginning of the wedding and once at the end.Punjabi weddings
Dholki is a ceremony that takes its name from the percussion instrument Dholki and is featured heavily during wedding celebrations in Punjab and Hazara Division of Khyber Pakhtoon Khwa. Traditionally, many days or even weeks before the actual wedding day, women will gather in the house of the bride at night to sing and dance while accompanied by other percussion instruments. Today, this ceremony has also been reduced to a single night of singing and is often combined with the Rasm-e-Heena ceremony.Maklava/Bad Phera
Maklava is predominantly a Punjabi custom. Traditionally, the marriages were arranged and often contracted between people from different cities and villages. This often meant that the bride was unfamiliar with her new family. To ease her into the new life and surroundings, she was brought back to her parents' house a few days after the wedding. She then spent some time at her parents' house before heading back to her new husband's home. This practice is still prevalent in most rural areas of the Punjab. In Northern Punjab and Kashmir, it is called Bad Phera.