Mating preferences
Mating preferences are qualities that one desires in a romantic or sexual partner. Research across many domains, such as evolutionary biology, psychology, and anthropology, shows that humans display both widely shared preferences – like preferences for kindness, intelligence, and health – as well as sex-differentiated preferences shaped by ancestral selection pressures. These preferences are understood within the framework of sexual selection and more contemporary theories that draw on evolutionary explanations, cultural variation, and evidence from actual mating behaviors. These theories account for the variation in desires for certain traits, the divergence of preference between men and women, and the adoption of short-term vs long-term mating strategies. Together, these approaches explain the origins, adaptive functions, and real-word outcomes of human mate preferences.
In humans
Background
Darwin's theory of sexual selection
One of the earliest theories posited to explain mate preferences was Darwin's Theory of Sexual Selection. This theory came about when he noticed that certain characteristics appeared to have no survival value. Unsatisfied with his theory of natural selection as the primary driver of evolution, he proposed that sexual selection was at play. Namely, Darwin suggested two mechanisms of this evolutionary process.The first mechanism, intrasexual selection, describes the competition with same-sex others for access to mates. This can include directly antagonistic interactions, such as physical contests and fights, or indirect interactions like competition for territory or high status positions. As a result of success in such competitions, the victors are able to mate, meaning that their heritable traits are passed down to offspring with greater frequency. Those who lost do not gain access to mates and have less reproductive success. Over many generations, this differential reproductive success causes the qualities that contribute to winning these competitions to become more common in the population. This pattern shapes preferences because individuals who choose mates with successful, competitive traits have a greater chance of producing children who survive and are reproductively successful themselves. As a result, preferences for such advantageous traits are passed down along with the traits themselves.
The second mechanism, intersexual selection, represents one sex's propensity to prefer and, in turn, select specific members of the opposite sex that embody preferred characteristics. Because desired qualities are notably heritable, individuals who select mates who display such qualities are more likely to have children who also possess them. Over time, this process increases the frequency of preferred traits in the population and also strengthens the preferences themselves. Thus, this preferential mate choice directly influences one's reproductive success.
Both processes work together to select for qualities that enhance an individual's reproductive success, favoring characteristics that improve mating opportunities and, importantly, shaping what we deem to be preferable in a mate. These mechanisms have been substantiated across virtually every species that reproduces sexually, highlighting sexual selection theory as a pervasive evolutionary force.
Consensual mate preferences
During human evolution, there was a selection pressure to pursue mates who had traits that could yield reproductive success. Those who successfully mated with reproductively fit individuals passed their genes onto the next generation with greater frequency. This sexual selection strengthened the presence of the reproductively beneficial traits themselves as well as the preference for them. The resulting consensual mate preferences refer to the widely shared, cross-cultural judgments regarding the desirable mate qualities that most people, regardless of sex or culture, tend to value.Physical qualities
Physical attractiveness and symmetry
Physical attractiveness is highly desired among men and women because it functions as a cue to fertility and health. Moreover, a very attractive mate would likely produce offspring that are also attractive, enhancing their fitness. Though men tend to prioritize and prefer physical attractiveness more so than women, it is still a quality that is highly desired by both sexes.Symmetry is one of the many aspects that factors into attractiveness for both men and women. Both facial and bodily symmetry are considered to be very attractive because they essentially act as a certificate of good health and reproductive potential. Fluctuating asymmetry, or deviation from perfect bilateral evenness, can indicate poor genetic quality and is thus deemed undesirable in a mate. Preference for symmetry in a mate is observed cross-culturally, indicating its robustness as a cue to good health.
Research shows that physically attractive individuals have better sex lives. Symmetry in particular is a good predictor of the number of sex partners one has. Furthermore, more symmetrical men tend to have their first intercourse at an earlier age than do less symmetrical men.
Good health
A healthy appearance is very desirable in a mate because it can indicate a resilient body that is free from chronic illness/disease with a low exposure to pathogens. Health is an important mate preference, as poor health can be passed onto offspring or to a partner and consequently decrease fitness. Because aspects of health are genetically influenced, it is imperative that one chooses a healthy mate in order to increase the fitness of progeny, both directly and indirectly.Visible indicators of health include bilateral symmetry, skin condition, and sexual dimorphism. For example, clear skin tone and complexion is broadly considered to be desirable in a mate, functioning as a signal of health and high quality genetics. The presence of sexually dimorphic traits also indicates health, as both estrogen and testosterone are known immunosuppressants. Because these hormones temporarily reduce immune function, only individuals with robust underlying health can afford to produce and maintain strongly sex-typical traits. Thus, a person with sexually dimorphic traits signals good health– only those with high genetic quality would be able to develop such masculine or feminine qualities.
Other qualities
Traits such as kindness, dependability, intelligence, and honesty are highly valued among men and women alike. These traits are cues to adaptive behaviors that would highly benefit one's partner and family.Kindness and empathy
Kindness, the quality of being nice or friendly, is consistently ranked as one of the top priorities in a mate. Displays of kindness and empathy may indicate a tendency to cooperate with others and place a partner's needs relatively high in processes of decision-making. In addition, kindness can signal greater parenting ability.Intelligence
Intelligence is also consistently ranked by men and women as a top priority for a mate. Greater cognitive ability can help partners figure out the complex challenges that may arise when making decisions, managing a household, raising children, and solving everyday problems.Dependability
Dependability is preferred by men and women because it communicates a partner's likelihood of maintaining commitment throughout the relationship as well as remaining steady and reliable during difficult times.Social status
Many people prefer a mate who maintains a high social status within their community. A mate who is highly respected by others in their social network would be able to gain access to resources and, in turn, confer upon their family.Love
, the deep emotional bond that underpins long-term romantic relationships, is consistently valued across cultures. It is a human universal and has been suggested to act as a commitment device designed to promote stable pair bonding, cooperation in parenting, and reproductive success.Honesty
A mate's honesty is highly valued and preferred by both men and women. Honesty, or the tendency to tell the truth, is a trait that can signal loyalty in many important domains. Honest behavior can reflect the general propensity to act transparently instead of manipulating or exploiting others.Humor
, the quality of being funny or entertaining, is widely desired among men and women. Research suggests that humor functions as an honest signal of cognitive capacity, creativity, and social intelligence– qualities that reflect fitness.Explanations for consensual preferences
Relationship satisfaction
One prominent theory as to why these preferences are rated as very desirable and important for many people is their association with relationship satisfaction. This theory posits that some qualities greatly contribute happiness within the relationship. Unkind or unempathetic partners may decrease relationship satisfaction and, as a result, increase the likelihood of relationship dissolution. Other trivial qualities are deemed less important in a relationship simply because they don't have a significant effect on relationship satisfaction or maintenance.Evolutionary biology
Another theory as to why some qualities are consistently desired among men and women is the traits' association with reproductive investment capability. Essentially, this theory states that mate qualities like physical attractiveness or intelligence are considered important and desirable because they are more greatly correlated with parental investment abilities than are traits like good housekeeping skills. As a result, minor traits are not widely desired or prioritized. Ancestral humans who prioritized mate preferences that served proximate cues to reproductive investment capabilities were able to have more offspring and thus propagate their genes with a greater frequency.Both of these theories are not incompatible. They likely, in fact, work together to strengthen the importance of certain mate preferences from two different angles.